The LAMB Action Hero: Round Two Results.

Round two has now ended! The votes have been tallied! The winners are now... um... winning. Anyway, to the results!

Lara Croft Vs. John McClane.

It was a tough fight to the end, but the bosom beat the badass 13 to 12. (If that really needs any clarification... Lara won).

Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

In what was one of the most epic battles ever fought... more epic than 300 or any of the major battles in Lord of the Rings.... we had Fletch versus Nick... er... I mean, Tony Stark versus Nicholas Angel! It was one of the closest races we've ever had. It was neck-and-neck the entire way through and tied for the longest time. But yeah... so... um... tonywins13to11yetagainbringingfletchintothefinals. (Though with all the death threats and the horse's head on my bed, I'm gonna say there was cheating involved... but that's just my opinion :P ).

Anywho, there we are! I know this is awfully short notice, but if I could get the two articles by Saturday night, that'd be wonderful (as I'm going out of town and I'd like to set it up to be posted on Monday so voting could be finished by the time I get back). If not... well... I guess we'll think of something else. So here's the updated versus bracket (click to enlarge):

Thanks to everybody as usual, and let's end this with a bang! Thanks!

The LAMB Action Hero (Round Two): Tony Stark Vs. Nicholas Angel.

(Welcome to the second and final match of the second round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent's would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let's enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.

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By Fletch from Blog Cabins.

Room with Nicholas Angel? No effing way.

The guy is a straight-up loser. So much of a loser that he got demoted and sent to podunk England. So much of a loser that his fellow employees not only weren’t sad to see him go, but were waiting with baited breath to send the guy off. So much of a loser that he mistook some random dude for his ex-girlfriend (who dumped him, I might add). So much of a loser that his best friend is a tubby guy who does nothing but watch movies all day. Ok, maybe his friend isn’t such a bad guy.

Either way, you get the point – the guy makes Jason Biggs’ titular Loser seem like a cool guy to hang out with. Heck, with his inability to hold down his job and his current standing with the ladies, there’s a good chance he’s watching scrambled Cinemax with a sock at the ready like some other Biggs character. Have fun walking in on that on your way home from work.

On the other hand, there’s Tony Stark. Iron Man, if you will. Tony’s so damn cool that he literally has the ladies digging their hands into his chest. You don’t think he’s got some dating tips for you?

Then again, you might be saying, “but I’m a straight woman (or gay male) – I don’t want some cocky billionaires' tips for picking up chicks.” Well, I hear your voices. For you, I have but one question – which of these guys would you rather see stumbling out of the shower with a little white towel on – schlubby, pasty Angel or hunky, mysterious Stark?

So I leave you with a simple question: would you rather bunk with the nearly-unemployed, anti-social knob whose only hobby is tending to a single plant, or with the guy whose license plate wrapper on his Ferrari reads “I’d rather be flying around the world in my high tech suit fighting terrorists when I’m not making billions as the head of my own company?”

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By Nick from Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob.

Let me put this to you in an easy, accessible fashion. A chart! Who doesn’t love a chart? We will see the vast differences in who makes a better roommate by showing both good and bad characteristics of roommates in general

	Nicholas Angel	Tony Stark
Alcoholic		X
Smoker		X
Invader of Privacy		X
Destroyer of Household		X
Buddy	X
Payer of Rent	X	X
Tidy	X
Easily locatable	X
Overall agreeable	X

This puts Tony Stark with 4 negatives and 1 positive… while Nicholas Angel has 5 positives and NO negatives.

But let me further extend my thoughts on these claims, so that you know they are not rash. While I cannot argue that he would have the money to pay for his half of the rent, there are so many other things to attend to. For instance, it is obvious that Mr. Stark is both a smoker and a drinker. As for an invader of privacy… he has those nosy little robots that want to pry into everybody’s business. Can you imagine yourself in the shower and just have some little robot appear and try to mess with you? Not to mention the constant press/media at his doorstep or intruding the household now that everybody knows he is, in fact, Iron Man. And he also destroys his own house and property more often than not in his continual attempts at being Iron Man. As such, the house would probably in a constant state of disarray. I can’t see him being too buddy-buddy, either, always being too busy with his job and superhero thing. And when he brings home the ladies for his nightly orgies and/or threesomes, would he share? No way. Not that you’d want it, anyway… with the women he picks up, there’s no telling what kind of diseases they have. And in the case of an emergency, how would you find him? Without access to his secret lab and such, he could be halfway around the world in some terror-filled country while you’re stuck locked out of the house without a spare key.

Nicholas Angel, on the other hand, could pay his rent easily and on time, will keep the house from becoming an uncleanable mess, and could easily be found at any time. He’s not a drinker or a smoker, he respects privacy, and he would not have reason to destroy your home. And, as I’ve previously stated, you can hang out with him and watch pretty much any movie you want, and he won’t really mind. Overall, he would be the most agreeable partner.

So these, as I see them, are the most obvious and clear-cut reasons as to why Tony Stark would be a HORRID roommate, and why Nicholas Angel, for all intents and purposes, would be so much better. So do yourself a favor… vote for Nicholas Angel.

The LAMB Action Hero (Round Two): Lara Croft Vs. John McClane.

(It's finally back! Welcome to the first match of the second round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent's would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let's enjoy!)

Update: Voting for this match has now ended.
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By Jess from Insight Into Entertainment.

What are the best qualities you can ask for in a roommate? Quiet, pays the rent on time, shares some of his or her stuff/friends/food, and doesn’t break or steal your stuff. Lara Croft does all of these things really well. Particularly since she’s a pretty wealthy gal, so sharing her stuff isn’t that big a deal. She’d be a great roommate as she’d have interesting stories to tell about her travels and kicking ass around the world. I’m sure she would help me getting visas to visit strange places, and give me a place to stay when I got there, because she knows everyone. Lara has no need to steal or break my stuff as her stuff is probably better than mine anyway.

John McClane on the other hand is never quiet; he’s loud, and loud things follow him everywhere. He always seems to be strapped for cash, either because of alimony or losing his job and such. He doesn’t really have much stuff because it constantly gets destroyed because of problems at work, so sharing it wouldn’t really be an option. He’s probably a freeloader and would eat all your food and not clean anything, but expect you to keep the place looking good. He’d borrow your stuff all the time without asking, and, yes, he’d probably have a great reason like saving his wife or his kids or the country, but he still took it without asking.

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By Mike from Big Mike's Movie Blog.

I want to tell you about another roommate I once had and why I appreciate John McClane that much more.

Her name was Lara Croft.

First off, Lara is not even a real name. Sara, Cara, even Tara if you're a big Gone With The Wind fan, but I digress. It was actually an accident that I ended up sharing a room in her mansion. Whilst vacationing in India, I got lost in the jungle and stumbled across a large temple. As I went to explore it, I twisted my ankle, fell down a bunch if steps in front of a beautiful woman. She took me back to her mansion where her butler tended to huge lumps on my face and some bruised bones, all the while giving me free run of the house. Good times, right?

Not so much. Lara, as it turns out, was both filthy rich and a woman. Together, these two can combine to form a powerful deity known as Oprah or, in Lara's case, someone with way too much time and money on her hands. I mean, this chick was way into the occult. Not in the cute Hot Topic way, but after hunting down every mythological artifact in the world, she would chase after a Frisbee if you threw it far enough. I tried telling her that space was still relatively unexplored but she wouldn't hear me, off on another quest without so much as a 'Bye, luv.'

And the mansion was full of this shit. Remember when George Carlin talked about stuff and shit? Lara has shit. And a ton of it. One room was full of these giant statues. Or so I thought. As I was wondering if I could find Easter Island on a map, a giant robot thing started chasing me around, with these fangs and these claws. I was running like an idiot until I screamed for it to please, heavenly God, stop chasing me and it did. What kind of sense does that make?

Also, the butler thing is more of a headache than its worth really. If I come in and leave my jacket on the couch, it's because I'm leaving in fifteen minutes and will grab it when I come out! If someone puts it on a hanger and places it back in its proper place, how the hell am I supposed to find it?! That also goes for half empty Cokes, remote controls, and my porn.

Speaking of sex, Lara was an unmitigated, unapologetic, unrelenting, Guantanamo Bay-level torture of a tease. Four months living there, I never saw boobs, side boobs, cheek, or left arm for some weird reason. Not that she wasn't showering in large, glass-filled rooms or walking around like some love child with a free wheeling hippie father, but never once did I get the goods. And I was trying REAL hard. And I can get some hot chicks. Does the name Justin Bailey mean anything to you?

I can't wait for John to get back from New York. I hope he doesn't get delayed at the airport.

The LAMB Action Hero: Round One Results.

Well, round one has ended in good timing! I can give the results now, and the winners can begin on their next articles over the weekend (as long as they aren't distracted by some movie that came out this weekend... I can't remember what it is at the moment, though... hmm...). Anyway, the results! It was an incredible first round with tons of voting and a few close calls!

Bruce Wayne/Batman Vs. Lara Croft.

This was the most voted-for match of the bunch, and boy was it a doozy. Between the awesomeness that is Bruce Wayne and the hotness that is Lara Croft, many of the male population of the LAMB had difficulty deciding between the two. But Lara Croft came out victorious with a staggering 31 votes over Bruce's 22.


Tony Stark/Iron Man Vs. Underdog.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the least voted-for match (which is funny considering one of them was Iron Man, and that Iron Man was written by our very own Fletch). However, the match was still an obvious no-brainer (sorry Underdog), with Mr. Stark kicking the dog aside with a vote of 13 to 6.


John McClane Vs. Nausicaa.

This match, much like the first, was a battle of machismo and sex. John McClane is obviously one of the most iconic action heroes ever created, while Nausicaa... has 'lesbian-y tendencies'. Apparently we have some moral LAMBs around here, because John McClane yippee kie yay'd to the top spot with an incredibly tight vote of 12 to 11.


Leon Vs. Nicholas Angel.

Finally, there was the battle of the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass against... the man who takes care of a plant and kicks ass. It was a tough vote for me, as I wrote for Mr. Angel, yet Leon is one of my favorite movies. Apparently, though, others didn't have the same confliction as Nicholas Angel fought his way to the winning spot with a vote of 14 to 8 (with no actual bribery involved!).

So there we are. The next round will begin as soon as possible, and I ask all winners to begin writing their essays for round two so they can get them to me ASAP. Round two should hopefully begin next week. And here is the updated Versus Bracket (click to enlarge):

Oh look at that... I'm going to be going up against Fletch in round two. It will be a battle of epic proportions! And I thank everybody who wrote in for round one, everybody who voted for round one, and everybody that is going to be participating for round two. Let's hope the next one goes just as smoothly! Thanks!

Sirens of the LAMBs: Round 2 Results.

UPDATE: One of the winners below has been changed.

It was a round of unexpected winners. This truly must have been based more on the narratives than who might actually win if they were put together, as I (personally) don't believe any that won this round could have actually beat their opponent head-to-head. But that's a good thing! It shows that the rules are being followed, and that people are supposedly following the better narrative instead! So congratulations to those who won and have moved on to Round 3! We're getting closer to the end now, so things will be moving much more quickly. And now, for the results!

Asami Yamazaki Vs. Baby Firefly.

It was a highly disturbing matchup, and the second most voted on of the round. Asami Yamazaki (Audition) beat out Baby Firefly (House of 1000 Corpses) 9 to 6.

Cherry Darling Vs. O-Ren Ishii.

It was one of the funnier match-ups, and apparently people liked the Tarantino/Rodriguez battle. Cherry Darling (Planet Terror) beat out O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill) 8 to 6.

UPDATE: Suzanne Maretto Vs. Kyra.

Like Sil Vs. Bonnie Parker in the first round, voting for this match was mind-boggling to me. It was the least voted-for round, and both Suzanne (To Die For) and Kyra (Chronicles of Riddick) tied at 3 to 3. However, due to Suzanne having previously been in the lead (as well as a coin toss), Suzanne WAS the winner of the match.

However, due to the writer for Suzanne Maretto having to drop out due to a busy schedule, Kyra will take the win and go through to the next round (I swear, Kyra's cursed for the opponent. She keeps winning by default).

Sil Vs. The Bride.

This was the most-voted for match of the round, and it seems the somewhat unstoppable alien woman has finally been stopped. The Bride (Kill Bill) beat out Sil (Species) 12 to 8.

So there y'all go! That's how Round 2 went. Round 3 will be underway soon. So here's to an exciting third round of Sirens of the LAMBs! Also, here is the new Versus Bracket to start off Round 3 (Click to Enlarge):

Thank you to everybody who has been patient with me and this event. Also, thank you to everybody who participated in round two and/or are participating in round three! You've done and/or are doing an excellent job! Thanks again and keep up the good work!

Sirens of the LAMBs: Round One Results.

Because I'm bored right now, and because I don't feel like doing it in the morning after I wake up... and because it's after midnight, so I'm still technically keeping to my word about posting this Sunday... I've decided just to go ahead and post the Sirens of the LAMBs Round 1 Results and the Round 2 Match-Ups.

Asami Yamazaki Vs. Catwoman.

In two incredibly demented (and awesome) narratives, Asami (Audition) and Catwoman (Batman Returns) faced off. Asami ended up winning out against Catwoman with 13 votes over 9.

Baby Firefly Vs. Princess Nausicaa.

Due to the author for the Princess Nausicaa (Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind) narrative dropping out, Baby Firefly (House of 1000 Corpses) automatically went through to the second round.

Cherry Darling Vs. Aeon Flux.

Due to the author of the Aeon Flux (Aeon Flux) narrative dropping out, Cherry Darling (Grindhouse Presents Planet Terror) automatically went through to the second round.

Hayley Vs. O-Ren Ishii.

In what had to be one of the most hilarious narratives of the first round, O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill) beat out Hayley Stark (Hard Candy) 10 to 3.

Zoe Vs. Suzanne Maretto.

This happened to be the least voted-for match (ignoring the ones that didn't involve voting), but it was still dead close! Suzanne Maretto (To Die For) beat out Zoe Washburne (Serenity) 6 to 5.

Kyra Vs. Nikita.

Due to the author for the Nikita (La Femme Nikita) narrative dropping out, Kyra (Chronicles of Riddick) automatically went through to the second round.

Sil Vs. Bonnie Parker.

This had to be one of the most mind-boggling set of narratives. The fairness of the fight was actually questioned at one point, but the voting showed that people believed Bonnie could stand a fighting chance. It was an incredibly unexpected and unbelievably close match, but Sil (Species) still beat out Bonnie Parker (Bonnie & Clyde) 11 to 9.

River Tam Vs. The Bride.

This was one of the most action-packed set of narratives, and it also got the most votes out of any set (54!). It was crazy awesome to see, and it was insanely close the whole way through. However, The Bride (Kill Bill) ended up killing River Tam (Serenity) 28 to 26!

So there y'all go! That's how Round 1 went. Round 2 will be underway soon, as each contestant in Round 2 has already been notified (and I've actually already got one article!). So here's to an exciting second round of Sirens of the LAMBs!

Also, here is the new Versus Bracket to start off Round 2 (Click to Enlarge):

Thank you to everybody who has been patient with me and this event. Also, thank you to everybody who participated in round one and/or are participating in round two! You've done and/or are doing an excellent job! Thanks again and keep up the good work!